Am I too much or not enough?
Recently I was overwhelmed by a feeling that too many of us relate to. I was in a state of productive paralysis by the fear of either being “too much” or “not being enough”. A weird contradiction that my best friend and I have shared tears over while we stayed up late chatting on her couch. Somehow these opposing fears join forces to wreak havoc on the self-esteem of women— or any human being honestly.
So here I am—simply trying to write my first post on my blog and all I could do was tell myself how I’ll be too embarrassing, too vulnerable, too corny, and I’m simply TOO MUCH. However, I’ve also been telling myself I don’t have enough to say, I won’t be relatable, I’m not
interesting, and I’m not good enough. Now not all my friends are trying to write a blog, but I know too many people who have had this mental battle. All of us have so many intricate details that make up who we are, but we cover them up with shame. The shame of being too much and fear that our authenticity is not enough.
The “too much” critic is the nasty voice in your head who is saying to not dress full-glam for a dinner downtown. She is the one rolling her eyes when you give a long answer in response to “how are you?”. She is the one yanking you back when you let your personality shine in group.
The “not enough” critic is the biggest downer you know. She looks at what you’re wearing and will say it looks cheap, boring, or she’ll make digs about your body. She says you’re too heavy or old to wear your favourite dress. She is the one who scolds you for not speaking up even though she just told you that your words don’t matter. She’s the one who covers your mouth out in public because she doesn’t want you to speak up.
These opposing inner-critics actually make a powerful team to shut us down. For such a dynamic-duo, they don’t like how dynamic and complicated we all are. I like to believe these “mean girls” in our minds are working in overdrive to protect us.
Why?
Because women and femininity have been put into a tight box, and to burst out of the box could be unsafe. So maybe these “mean girls” are trying to keep us safe. Yes, that Regina George telling you to “shut up” is maybe just trying to look out for you— but YIKES… she takes it too far. WAY TOO FAR.
OKAY—so now that I’m done with my Mean Girls tangent… I have something I want you to hear. Whenever you feel safe to do so, I encourage you to take up space. Take up space and know you are worthy of doing so. Be complicated. You can be the girl at dinner in the big pink coat who doesn’t have much to say. You can be the girl in sweatpants that lights up the room. You can embrace masculinity and femininity. You can be both vulnerable and strong. Just like your inner critics, these opposing parts of you can come together to create a powerful team.
I’m hoping if you read this, that you’ll remember how multifaceted you were born to be. Please know that it is okay to be “too much”, “not enough”, or “not sure who you are”. You can make choices without being perfect. You can move forward even if you aren’t sure how. Say what you need to say even if it is complicated. Be who you are meant to be even if it is confusing.
You can let the entirety of who you are burst out of the box that has kept you afraid to move forward.
Bambi Creative by Nikki 